These are the News!
- May 2: The Russian Cheese Tour
- The band is making it's final preparations before they take the stage in their unplanned eastern Russia tour. The cheese tour promises to be way more than cheesy and we expect all of the true fans to quit their jobs and come to Russia and follow the band. True fans give all of their money to the band up front so the band has no reason to mistrust them. The Hellavangalists are not greedy, they just need stuff.
- May 1: Lost Voice in the Oven
- A moment of panic has ended after omnipotent vocalist Screamy McGee of the Hellavangalists found his lost voice. He thought he had put it in with his change the night before but it ended up being in his oven the entire time. When reached for comment Screamy was scratching his head wondering how a voice could even get into the oven to begin with. Details as they arise . . .
- May 1: The Drummer caught in fishing scheme
- The Drummer of the band The Hellavangalists was arrested today after attempting to "fish" a wallet out of a blind man's purse using a pole and string. When reached for comment the drummer simply said "I'm so Hungry ."
- April 30: Wandering the Past
- The banjo with the most mojo set out to find an old bear that he had lost in the fires of hell years ago. He ended up finding fig pudding with a side of cabbage.
- April 28: Birthday Shenanigans
- Last night was Banjolena's birthday and the band celebrated like a group of people. The night almost ended early when the band was busted jaywalking in a purple no nonjaywalking zone. They were confused too.
- April 23: Watch where you Are
- They current tour will probably be postponed pending a public urination charge stemming from a night of water drinking contests between the members of the band. There were only a few minor injuries. For the record Thrash Master E beat Drumbolia by 1 liter.
- April 21: I lost my keys
- I, your faithful web MASTER, have appeared to have misplaced my keys and wonder if anyone has seen them. If you find them please e-mail them to me at your next earliest convenience. There will be no cash reward but getting to clean my basement bathroom will be reward enough. Now get to looking!
- April 20: No Word on Thrash Master E
- No has seen the reclusive guitarists in almost 20 days following the end of his B string. Theories indicate that he may be on the lamb. How he found the lamb or figured out to ride it are anyone's guesses at this point but we think he is exploring his roots.